Ever get the feeling that you are at the mercy of others? That whatever you do, however much of an effort you make, it can all be undone in the blink of an eye. That we are powerless to change the direction of our own lives? Well, not me. I'm a firm believer in creating your own fate. If we want something enough, it will happen. Never mind all the cosmic ordering rubbish, it's down to us to create our own luck. That said, however, the problem I'm having is actually knowing what it is I want.
Since my untimely abandonment into the world of the job seeker, I have begun to question myself. Do I really want this? Is this actually an opportunity to do other things? Then the nasty topic of money, mortgage payments, direct debits and standing orders start to reverberate around my head and an overwhelming feeling of panic ensues.
It's a vicious circle. Maybe it's just me. Do others intrinsically know what they want to do? I mean I am a journalist. That's just what I do. But I have been many other things besides: a make-up artist, market researcher, chef, nanny, support worker, bar manager, chambermaid...the list, goes on. But I always returned to my writing. It is the one thing that I don't even have to think about. It is my big sigh of relief, my lazy love. Now is this in danger? If so, what does that spell for my future?
I need something to happen and fast...
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