So, the situation continues: jobless, frustrated and sick to the back teeth of job hunting on the Internet, grumpy ill boyfriend to content with and to top it all off, I have a sudden flare-up of eczema - on my eyelids for God's sake.
You know people always say those little adages: keep your chin up, things will get better etc.,etc,. but here's news for you - they might not.
Despite all of this going down, I am marginally perkier. I have got a job interview (hurrah!) but as luck would have it, I'll be aiming to get back from a visit to London at breakneck speed to ensure I make the interview - can I really rely on the trains to whisk me home safely and on time? Hmm?
So now it's research time, gotta get my head down, really suss out this company. I'm actually going for a role that I'm over qualified for - I pray it doesn't backfire on me. "Sorry Miss Gough, we feel you are just too great for the role, we gave it to someone more more insignificant and far less talented than you. Good luck in your search though!" Yeah, good luck? Thanks. I wouldn't need it if you had given me the damn job!
Anyway, joking aside, I am really pleased and pray that they think I'm THE ONE!
I have a few other things on the back burner so I'll just have to 'keep my chin up' ,'things will get better...' maybe those adages aren't so far off the mark after all?
Thursday, 28 June 2007
Friday, 22 June 2007
Desperately Seeking Something
Ever get the feeling that you are at the mercy of others? That whatever you do, however much of an effort you make, it can all be undone in the blink of an eye. That we are powerless to change the direction of our own lives? Well, not me. I'm a firm believer in creating your own fate. If we want something enough, it will happen. Never mind all the cosmic ordering rubbish, it's down to us to create our own luck. That said, however, the problem I'm having is actually knowing what it is I want.
Since my untimely abandonment into the world of the job seeker, I have begun to question myself. Do I really want this? Is this actually an opportunity to do other things? Then the nasty topic of money, mortgage payments, direct debits and standing orders start to reverberate around my head and an overwhelming feeling of panic ensues.
It's a vicious circle. Maybe it's just me. Do others intrinsically know what they want to do? I mean I am a journalist. That's just what I do. But I have been many other things besides: a make-up artist, market researcher, chef, nanny, support worker, bar manager, chambermaid...the list, goes on. But I always returned to my writing. It is the one thing that I don't even have to think about. It is my big sigh of relief, my lazy love. Now is this in danger? If so, what does that spell for my future?
I need something to happen and fast...
Since my untimely abandonment into the world of the job seeker, I have begun to question myself. Do I really want this? Is this actually an opportunity to do other things? Then the nasty topic of money, mortgage payments, direct debits and standing orders start to reverberate around my head and an overwhelming feeling of panic ensues.
It's a vicious circle. Maybe it's just me. Do others intrinsically know what they want to do? I mean I am a journalist. That's just what I do. But I have been many other things besides: a make-up artist, market researcher, chef, nanny, support worker, bar manager, chambermaid...the list, goes on. But I always returned to my writing. It is the one thing that I don't even have to think about. It is my big sigh of relief, my lazy love. Now is this in danger? If so, what does that spell for my future?
I need something to happen and fast...
Friday, 15 June 2007
Sick as a parrot
It's funny how you never appreciate being well until you are poorly. I have spent the past few days with a tissue shoved up my nostrils as my head creates more mucus that you could shake a stick at. My delirium of last night culminated in a sketchy sleep where I managed to create a fantasy world where I was, in effect, Kevin McCloud from Grand Designs. What a great dream that was! I helped three couples create some amazing homes. It's all a bit foggy now.
I was meant to be getting the old hair dyed today but as soon as I move about too much, my brow starts to sweat and I get all dizzy. May have to venture to the shop at some point today.
Another source of worry is the fact that I should be hearing back about a job today and I'm getting nervous. I need to be working - it's all very well having time off but I NEED to work.
We'll see what happens.
I was meant to be getting the old hair dyed today but as soon as I move about too much, my brow starts to sweat and I get all dizzy. May have to venture to the shop at some point today.
Another source of worry is the fact that I should be hearing back about a job today and I'm getting nervous. I need to be working - it's all very well having time off but I NEED to work.
We'll see what happens.
Wednesday, 13 June 2007
The lengths some people will go to...
This is day one of my blog. I have decided to create this for one reason only - I have been usurped by a couple of evil people and am now effectively unemployed and this blog is going to diarize my climb back up the slippery pole of professionalism to the dizzy heights of success!
To put things into perspective: I am a journalist, an editor, a wordsmith, and feel I do a good job ( if I don't blow me own trumpet, who will eh?). The events over the past few days have really made me think about how others perceive me, how it is permitted to cause grievous 'emotional' harm to others but the minute your fists come into it, you are going DOWN!
The bare bones of the situation are this: when was it ever alright to screw over your colleagues? Back in the 80s? Back even before that, before we actually had some rights?
The sad fact is, people get away with all sorts of things on a daily basis: some relatively minor, others commit atrocities that I cannot even imagine. But the thing is, they all stem from an inherent feeling by the perpetrator of inadequacy, in whatever form. The reality is the victim isn't really the victim; they are the innocent person who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I have also been subjected to what I can only really construe as bullying in the workplace and, even greater than the shock at what the person has done to me, is that feeling of confusion as to why I was in the firing line in the first place! How can you ever know what people have in store for you, and I think the conclusion I have drawn from all of this is that being nice doesn't count for anything.
The cynicism and bitterness that has sneaked up on me leaves quite an unpleasant taste; 'oh it doesn't matter anyway, screw them, kill or be killed,' these are not sentiments I would ever really have thought about...until now.
So where does all this speculation and posturing leave me? Unemployed, smarting from the humiliation of being dispelled , powerless to prove it wasn't even my fault. Poor old me.
I've read enough self help books to know that self-pity doesn't get you anywhere. So it's chin up charlie time, square those shoulders, pull in that paunch, and get back out there fighting!
To put things into perspective: I am a journalist, an editor, a wordsmith, and feel I do a good job ( if I don't blow me own trumpet, who will eh?). The events over the past few days have really made me think about how others perceive me, how it is permitted to cause grievous 'emotional' harm to others but the minute your fists come into it, you are going DOWN!
The bare bones of the situation are this: when was it ever alright to screw over your colleagues? Back in the 80s? Back even before that, before we actually had some rights?
The sad fact is, people get away with all sorts of things on a daily basis: some relatively minor, others commit atrocities that I cannot even imagine. But the thing is, they all stem from an inherent feeling by the perpetrator of inadequacy, in whatever form. The reality is the victim isn't really the victim; they are the innocent person who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I have also been subjected to what I can only really construe as bullying in the workplace and, even greater than the shock at what the person has done to me, is that feeling of confusion as to why I was in the firing line in the first place! How can you ever know what people have in store for you, and I think the conclusion I have drawn from all of this is that being nice doesn't count for anything.
The cynicism and bitterness that has sneaked up on me leaves quite an unpleasant taste; 'oh it doesn't matter anyway, screw them, kill or be killed,' these are not sentiments I would ever really have thought about...until now.
So where does all this speculation and posturing leave me? Unemployed, smarting from the humiliation of being dispelled , powerless to prove it wasn't even my fault. Poor old me.
I've read enough self help books to know that self-pity doesn't get you anywhere. So it's chin up charlie time, square those shoulders, pull in that paunch, and get back out there fighting!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)